Sorry Not Sorry

 

parenting

My oldest child reminds me of me a lot. He may look like his dad, but he definitely has my personality.  Without the sassy mouth, he exhausts me with his sassiness and that’s something I didn’t dare to do with my mom because she did not play that. I’m still trying to figure out how that worked out for me. I know…because I didn’t listen to mami when she was giving me advice. Her advice? Stop arguing with him you’re not on the same level. We still argue. Sigh.

Anyway, teachers, coaches, babysitters all say that he is a sweet kid, he minds his manners and all in all has a good heart. He can also be very empathetic. I’m very thankful for my first born. He teaches me new things every day. Mostly patience because some days I’m lacking in that department. But we both need to have the last word which can be tough.

The other day we are having a conversation in the living room where he mentioned something that happened at school that was not his fault but he said sorry “because it was the right thing to do.”

I looked at him questioningly, because if he didn’t do it, why would saying sorry be the right thing to do? Doesn’t it diminish the word sorry if overused?

My youngest son also has a beautiful heart but it comes with a temper. At times he gets so angry…you know those angry preschoolers and toddlers that turn red and shake with an anger so deep…that’s him. Then when he calms down a few minutes later he comes over gives me a hug and says “Sorry, Mom” (Yes he calls me mom, he does not call me mami, the most is mama. He’s a formal guy!) But the temper still rears its ugly head from time to time and it’s the same cycle.

Being a parent is a large responsibility. As a mom of boys, it’s my responsibility to teach them to be good spouses, good friends, and just all around good human beings. We all know that is lacking in the world today. (I blame the parents.) And I could see both of these scenarios happening in a relationship, which is not good.

You never say sorry if you don’t mean it or know you didn’t do it.

You never say sorry and expect it’s ok to do it again.

This is something I’m teaching my almost 10 year old and my 4 year old because it’s never too early to learn the right way to apologize to someone. Those two words “I’m sorry” are only to be used when you are truly sorry. They are humbling and not to be used in a manipulative way.

And when you’re not sorry? Stand your ground! Explain your position and agree to disagree. But don’t apologize for not agreeing. That whole “I’m sorry, but I do not agree…” is not necessary. Firmly state you do not agree and state your position. The end.

We are completely overusing the word sorry. And our kids are picking that right up. So in 2017, I won’t even be “sorry, not sorry.” Because in essence you are still apologizing for not being apologetic. Either be apologetic or don’t. And don’t be sorry for it.

2 thoughts on “Sorry Not Sorry

  1. Great lesson. My mother never was wrong, never apologized. I read an article once on Forgiveness. Then one on self esteem. I learned to say, “I apologize,” versus, “I’m sorry.” The words, “I’m sorry,” signifies a deeper feeling of ourselves. “I apologize,” for me, is a way of honoring self and the other person. “Please accept my apology.” or “I apologize if you think/feel/believe I was…?: this is can do. I also read another article where it stated Women say, “I’m sorry,” all the time which negates them. I stopped using sorry, replaced it with apology. Keep up the good work, your children are fortunate to have an enlighten mother.

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