Oh sure, we’ve seen all the cute photos on Facebook excited to have the kids out the house and back to school, but let’s be real. After the small photo shoots to chronicle the beginning of a new year, reality hits. Let’s start at the beginning of the day:
These early mornings suck. I just want to quietly get ready for work and begin my day but instead I’m making sure homework made it back in the folder and that the snack made it into the book bag. And pretty soon it’s going to be dark in the morning and I am going to feel like my life is over and I have to warm up the car while removing the snow so we can leave the driveway. It’s enough to make anyone cry that ugly Kim Kardashian cry. And we have to make it to daycare in time for the bus. Speaking of buses:
2. Those damn school buses
My mornings have to start way earlier (and I’m not a morning person) so that not only do I make it to daycare on time but so I make it to work on time. School buses are everywhere which slows down my route to work. Let’s not even talk about when the winter hits! No 8AM meetings for me! Or 4PM meetings while you’re at it. And anytime in between.
Homework is the bane of my existence. In other words, f*** homework. My Bachelor’s degree is hanging in my dining room for the sole purpose of reminding my son that I already did the work and went to school. It’s now his turn. He expects me to do most– if not all– the work for him and the amount of whining involved while I’m trying to make dinner can drive anyone nuts. And school just started ya’ll!!
Either I got to make lunch (and I’m sure since you just read all about my mornings you know ain’t nobody got time…) or I have to pay for his lunch. And I have to go online to do this. It’s just another thing on my list of to do’s that I have to get done. Because my poor baby got to eat. And I don’t want to be that mom that is judged “and do you even love your baby?!” because I forgot to pay for his lunch. If you don’t pay they give him a sorry ass ham sandwich. So then all the kids know that your momma didn’t pay for your lunch. Side eye.
5. School supplies
Forget that I’m poor as hell from buying all his back to school clothes and shoes (and filling his lunch account!), but the school supply list is just so disrespectful. I mean he needed five folders in specific colors, three notebooks in specific colors and don’t forget the pencils. Just #2 pencils? Nope, they had to be Yellow Ticonderoga #2. Three dozen of them. Because the others break the pencil sharpener. So I just got those from Amazon. Because why? Say it with your chest! “AIN’T NOBODY GOT TIME FOR THAT!”
I’m saying, didn’t I just finish explaining how broke I was between school lunch accounts and school supplies? Then here you go with the fundraiser requests. I don’t need no damn wrapping paper or caramel popcorn. And then everybody at work trying to sell some kind of candy bars. F** all ya’ll. Let’s not forget about the scholastic catalogs either. My son hates reading but he will sure as hell pick every damn book in that catalog. And I write down the titles and find them used on Amazon. Either that or we go “treasure hunting” at the second hand stores. Don’t judge me, call me a savvy shopper.
7. Parent Teacher Conferences
Why do parents need to sit and listen to how awful their kid is during class? Like did I really take the time out of my day and drive all the way across town for you to tell me something I already know? Could we not email or phone conference? Go To Meeting? I’m saying my kid is always well loved by his teachers but that still drives me nuts to hear how amazing he is at school when he fights to clean his own damn room at home. If he’s so awesome then you keep him! No I’m just playing give him back. I’d miss his pain in the butt.
Bedtime sucks right now because they don’t understand we are no longer in summer hours and no you can’t finish your WWE match on your PlayStation or the drawing that you just started or the movie you put on because why?? It’s bedtime and now we have early mornings! And who hates early mornings? I think everyone does.
I think I speak for every petty ass parent in the world that have to deal with a child in school. I don’t know what I’m going to do with myself when my youngest starts school. They are always going to be in two different schools so it’s going to be two different sets of problems. Because let’s not forget the school functions that always happen during the day that you have to take time out of work for, the parents in the pick up lane that don’t know how the pick up lane works, field trips all over town, all the damn birthday parties (do I even know you or your kid to get an invite to this?) and I have to work through all that to help this kid make it through yet another grade!
What would you add to this list?