Why Kids Birthday Parties Suck


My son’s birthday was not too long ago and we decided to throw him a birthday party this year. Kids birthday parties are my least favorite. Don’t get me wrong, I love celebrating my son’s birthdays and make sure that it is special for them, but planning a kids party just straight up sucks. Just as much as going to a kids party.

I don’t know which is worse, having a birthday party somewhere like Chuck E Cheese or at home. I think I would rather go through labor all over again. My oldest son’s second birthday was at Chuck E Cheese. It was probably the most stressful birthday party ever. They just rush you too much there’s only so much you can do in a 2 hour time span. Hurry up and play, hurry up and eat, there’s Chuck E….hurry up and dance. Cut the cake. Ok go home. It’s a whirlwind! I did that 8 years ago and never again!

After my little one was born, hubby and I agreed that we were done with birthday parties, and would only celebrate milestone birthdays. Besides the fact that our kids don’t need any new toys, it’s just so expensive. Especially when you have a kid who’s birthday is in February. My son’s birthday is in the middle of winter. If he was a summer baby, it would be too easy to get a bounce house for the backyard and fire up the grill. I was running out of ideas for my son’s birthday parties and running out of money too!

When my little one turned four, hubby convinced me to do a “get together” like he called it, at our house. Now that we’ve moved into a larger home, it can accommodate parties and we couldn’t do that in the past. He made a big deal about how it wouldn’t be a party but then here we were, with a piñata and birthday cake and presents…but yet it wasn’t a party. Also we spent about the same we would have if we went somewhere like Chuck E. Cheese to have a party except I had to clean my house before the heathens children got there and then again after all the guests have left. Let’s not talk about how another kid peed on my area rug within minutes of arriving. PEED. ON. MY RUG. These kids don’t care about your life, your house, your backyard…they party hard and can’t nobody stop them. Because sometimes their parents ain’t even watching. That may be a whole entire post right there. But these kids stay high on cake and juice. All the way up.

So really there’s no right way to do this. Either you invite kids to your house and hope it is still standing two hours later, or you go to a place for them to run around and tire themselves out. I do like the second option but let’s not forget folks…other people’s kids will be there. And you know how other people’s kids act. #NoHomeTraining

My son just turned ten and we celebrated with ten of his closest friends at a jump park in town. Most parents dropped the kids off and came back for them. All parents were prompt. All kids behaved. I told them to be at the table for food and cake at 7 and they were promptly back at 7. Also, they decided against watching my son open gifts and instead played for the last half hour of the party. I was incredibly impressed with the group of friends my kid has. I would say it comes with age but I saw so much foolishness from the pre-teens and teens at this place that I can’t say that it comes with age. The later it got, the more foolishness I saw. I can’t believe this place stays open until 11!

All I’m saying is, I’m just glad that my son’s birthday only happens once a year. My heart can’t take no more than two kids parties a year. At least the planning part. Just get me a flask with any party invites for your kids that my kids are invited to. Or greet me with a mimosa.

Can I just drop them off and promise to be on time to pick them up?

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